BDSM Community: Expert Advice on Why Bondage Is So Enjoyable
Bondage is one of the most popular kinks in the BDSM universe. A little kinky bondage play in the bedroom can bring endless pleasure to both you and your partner. Whether you enjoy being restrained or tied up or you like to be the one in control, a little bit of hot bondage action can be your new best friend in the bedroom. So experiment more.
An estimated one in five couples regularly engage in Bondage and S&M play in their relationship. In other words, bondage is much more popular in relationships than you might think. But before you start thinking about strapping your partner to a chair, let’s discuss the basics.
Like all aspects of BDSM play, the most important thing before you invite any bondage activities into the bedroom is consent. You and your partner need to be in total agreement on what aspects of bondage and associated role play you both wish to explore. If you want to tie up and dominate your partner, but they only want to experiment with a tickler, that’s not a consensual match. BDSM is always about informed consent. Trust and communication is key and you both need to discuss and respect the wishes and boundaries of the other.
And don’t forget your safe word. If one of you reaches a point when it’s all getting a bit too hot to handle, you just say the safe word and take a break. Your safe word should be unrelated to sex to avoid any confusion and agreed way before the action starts.
Having agreed on what bondage scene you wish to act out together, you will probably want to order up some kinky toys, such as handcuffs, a blindfold, tickler or small crop. Or if you are just starting out and experimenting, then you can always try some household items as ‘toy replacements’ to start with. A wooden spoon can act as a mini spank paddle and a silk scarf as a makeshift rope or blindfold. Be creative, half the fun is in the planning and preparation!
Always start slow and build things up. On the first couple of nights, just experiment with tying each other up to see how you feel. Establish if you enjoy being tied up and being the submissive or if you prefer doing the restraining and being the one doing the domination role. As always communicate clearly and honestly with your partner what you are feeling and thinking – both at the time and also after the main event.
If you find that bondage is your kink thing, you will soon realise that it can become quite addictive. Once you start exploring and experiencing different pleasurable sensations, you will want and dare I say, crave more. What was taboo only a few weeks ago is now something that you and your partner just can’t wait to try next. Exploring your pleasure boundaries becomes part of your journey into the world of bondage and there are no shortage of options.
Ball gags are a fun way of humiliating your partner, although in my experience they can be, quite literally, a bit of a mouthful. Whilst the traditional ball gag is a solid ball made of silicone or rubber, a more popular alternative in my BDSM circles is a Wiffle Gag. This is also round but made of plastic with air holes in it – making it safer for breathing. Wiggle Gags look uncannily like airflow golf practice balls with a strap around them. You can also get gags called Bit gags that are flatter and an easier fit in the mouth and make things easier to breath, but not very effective for silencing your partner. This type of gag resembles the bit used in a bridle for a horse and is popular with those into ‘Pony Play’. There are a very large number of different gags available and this Wikipedia page has an exhaustive list of them.
As gags are often used as a way of silencing your partner, or making their speech unintelligible, always ensure you have your safe gesture prepared as you won’t be able to utter your safe word if you want things to stop.
Mixing pleasure and pain is definitely erotic and can heighten the senses when applied correctly. Adding an element of role play into such a play scene is also a great way to spice things up. Popular Dom/Sub role play scenarios include a teacher and a student, a doctor and a patient or a boss and a secretary.
The above scenarios usually involve spanking, caning, examinations of sensitive erotic areas and usually a fair degree of bending over to receive your punishment.
A lot of women who fantasise about allowing their partner to tie them up and dominate them in the bedroom or play area with some light punishment, are often concerned that this might then happen in other parts of their relationship. But this is not the case. Having discussed your bondage and BDSM fantasies and what you are happy experimenting with, you both acknowledge that this is reserved for the bedroom only. Any men (or women) that want to exercise dominance and control over their partners in real life have power issues that need to be addressed via a trained counsellor.
Bondage and other forms of BDSM kinks when explored correctly, with mutual consent, trust and understanding between you and your partner, will open doors to new experiences and sensations you did not know you possessed. That is why one in five couples regularly practice bondage as it is so enjoyable. Isn’t it time you did the same?
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