Swinger Community: Expert Advice on A Beginner’s Guide To Swinging
Whilst a monogamous relationship is pretty standard for the majority of couples, others like to explore open relationships to spice up their sex lives. Taking your first step into the ‘swinger lifestyle’ can be a lot of fun for married couples, those in committed relationships, and for singles who just want to enjoy the experience of having more than one partner. If you are interested in dipping your toe into the swinger pond, then read on for some explanations and tips for swinger newbies.
What Does The Term ‘Swinger’ Mean?
The term ‘Swinger’ is, if I’m honest, now perhaps considered by some to be a bit outdated. People think of Austin Powers, (“Swinger Baby, yeah!”) the swinging sixties and a rise in sexual freedom. Today, the practice of having more than one sexual partner is also referred to as ‘Consensual Non-Monogamy’ (CNM). Now if that sounds a bit politically correct, another popular term used as an alternative to Swinger, especially amongst the under 35s, is ‘open relationship’. That said, as no-one refers to the ‘consensual non-monogamy lifestyle’ or ‘open relationship clubs or parties’, let’s just stick to the terms Swinger / Swinging for the purpose of this article.
Swinging is best defined as a sexual practice in which couples in committed non monogamous relationships enjoy swapping partners with other couples and singles.
This can involve what is termed ‘soft swap’ or ‘hard swap’. A hard swap includes a variety of sexual activities including intercourse. Whereas, a soft swap stops short of actual penetration, but does include manual stimulations, kissing, flirting, touching and sometimes oral sex.
In swinging, you have the hard swap (or full swap) and the soft swap. A hard swap includes all sorts of sexual activities, including intercourse. But a soft swap stops short of penetration, usually including manual stimulation, flirting, caressing, kissing and potentially oral sex. These activities can be spontaneous, you meet others at a bar or club and get it on, or planned, you chose to get to know potential partners first online, like on this site, to see if there is a connection before agreeing to meet up in person.
Those in successful swinging relationships claim an increase in quality as well as quantity of sexual encounters, not only outside their relationship with their partner but also within. Swingers claim the practice produces a strengthened emotional and physical connection with their partner.
The practice of Swinging should not be confused with polyamory. Polyamory is another form of open relationship but this time where the participants have strong romantic bonds between each other. Swinging is the practice of having multiple partners without any romantic feelings becoming involved (allowed).
Essential Swinger Tips For Beginners
My essential tips to help successfully guide novice swingers into the swinger lifestyle.
- Talk Openly With Your Partner.
The essential component to a successful swinger relationship is clear communication between partners. You both need to feel comfortable about sexually socialising with other people and have 100% trust in one another. For swinging to work there can be no feeling of jealousy at seeing your partner with another. Make sure that you are both comfortable with the concept of ‘sharing’ and that you feel secure in your relationship before you embark on your first encounter. - Agree What’s Hot… And What’s Not
For swinging to work for you both, it helps to set some clear ground rules upfront. Discuss what you both want from the experience, what turns you on, how far you are prepared to go and what is ‘off limits’. Some couples like to start with a threesome, others with a soft swap, some full swaps in the same room and others prefer to have casual sex without their partner present and then discuss their swapping experience afterwards. The key is mutual agreement with your partner about what you are and aren’t comfortable doing. - Learn More About The Swinger Lifestyle
Ease your way into things by understanding more about the swinger lifestyle before you embark on your first experience. Learn about the various swinger terms and etiquette used in swinger circles. Uncover things that you didn’t know about and maybe new experiences you would like to explore and try out. Either way, a bit of preparation never hurts and it will boost your knowledge/confidence and lessen any initial feelings of nervousness you might have. - Start Online Not At A Swinger Club
Waking up one morning and deciding “tonight’s the night we are going to a Swingers Club”, is not the way to start. Better to take things slowly at first and start online where you are much more in control of the whole process. If you or your partner feel uncomfortable at any stage it is easy to stop and just close the laptop, rather than have to escape from a club full of horny swingers.There are lots of swinger dating sites out there. One of my favourites is Only Adult Dating’s Swinger Community. This established site is free to join, is very popular (so lots of members to choose from) and has a friendly community feel to it. You can tailor your profile to attract people you wish to meet, search for local swingers, view member profiles and photos and lots more, all for free. The ‘online first’ approach also allows you both to see what types of couples and singles you find attractive and to discuss your feelings about the whole swinger experience in the process.
- Meet Up Before You Hook Up
Having found your perfect playmate online, when starting out I strongly suggest you arrange to meet up socially only at first. This allows everyone to chat and get to know each other a bit more and see if you all click. If you don’t then you can all go your separate ways but if you do, I can assure you this only adds to the sexual tension and excitement. Once again, discuss how you feel afterwards with your partner as only if the feeling is mutual should you agree to move on to the hook up stage. - Your First Experience
Assuming all goes well after your social meet up then it’s time to arrange your first swinger swapping experience or threesome. If you don’t feel comfortable swapping at home, then lots of couples book a hotel room for the night to make it extra special (recommended). Whilst it’s normal to feel butterflies in your stomach your first time, you can be reassured that this will be with someone you have personally both picked and also got to know a little first. Therefore maximising the chances of your first experience being a great one. - Always Have A Signal
People new to the swinger scene might find that in the heat of the moment that they suddenly become uncomfortable or nervous about continuing. As with all first time experiences this is a natural reaction and not one to be ashamed of. Prepare a signal or code word with your partner in advance. This will allow you to communicate with your partner how you are feeling. Signals or code words have many advantages in these heightened situations. They can be used to signify you wish to stop or just slow things down a little. Conversely, they can be used to let your partner know that you are enjoying it and want to continue. - Play Responsibly
Practice safe sex always when swinging. Use condoms and dental dams and both of you commit to getting tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Same goes for any of your play partners. Your health and the health of others is too important so always play responsibly. - Join A Swinger Community
Assuming your first experience went well, and you are both wanting to repeat, then join a swinger community site, such as this one. When starting out, it is much easier and safer to arrange subsequent meetings with likeminded people you can meet and chat too online before deciding if you wish to meet up in real life. Again, this puts you in control of the decision process and helps to ensure that your potential play partners are exactly what you are seeking. - Visit A Swinger Club
Once you have had several positive experiences and you are both feeling like the swinger lifestyle is something for you, then consider visiting a swingers club or event. Look online for things such as “swinger clubs near me” and then see what nights or themed events are coming up of interest. Always read the reviews to get a feel for the club and its policies. Alternatively, ask for recommendations for people in the community site you have joined. Your first visit to a swingers club / event can sometimes be a bit ‘full on’ for newbies, so you might just want to attend and get a feel for what goes on without taking part. Alternatively you could always go with another couple you have previously met so you can all play together.
In conclusion, if the idea of experimenting with different partners and joining the swinger lifestyle appeals, then go for it. There will be challenges to overcome but hopefully these tips will be of assistance. Rest assured the number of couples and singles who are embracing open relationships or non-monogamous relationships is growing quickly. These people are finding that their relationships are becoming stronger and thriving within a more sexually liberated lifestyle. If that sounds appealing, then give it a go.
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