When you mention the concept of BDSM (bondage, domination, submission, and masochism), a lot of people recall the popular “Fifty Shades of Grey” franchise. Whilst this has been widely credited to have raised awareness of the BDSM lifestyle to a wider social audience, the books and films have also definitely encouraged more people to explore the kinkier side of their relationships and fantasies. So if you are just starting out on your BDSM journey or simply interested in learning a bit more about the world of BDSM, then this article is definitely for you.
Just like any other intimate relationship, consent is mandatory when it comes to all BDSM activities. Whether it be sub vs dom enactment, bondage, spanking, handcuffs, blindfolds or other kinks and fetishes, you and your partner should both be 100% comfortable with all the things that you do together. Be open and discuss what you are happy doing, might consider one day (but not now) and what is definitely a no-no. Granted, your kink interests could evolve over time, and your preferences might be different in the future, but always be clear about what you are into and never be forced into trying something that you are not comfortable with.
In any BDSM relationship it is important to agree on a ‘safe word’ and/or ‘gesture’ before the kinky fun commences. When your safe word or gesture is used, your partner knows to stop what they are doing immediately. Safe words can be fun to make up but should be something that you would never normally use in any kinky encounter. Gestures tend to be helpful for example, when wearing a mask or gag which makes speaking your safe word out loud difficult. The two can be interchangeable but always ensure your safe word and/or gesture is understood long before the fun commences.
The BDSM lifestyle covers a multitude of different kinks and fetishes. What is a turn on for one person could be a big turn off for another. So if you’re new to BDSM, you will need to do a bit of research and exploration either by yourself or with a partner, to find what your kink thing is. After all, how do you hope to have your kinky desires satisfied if you don’t fully understand what they are yourself? So let’s start there and try to define the various common role play types in the BDSM scene.
Dominant, Submissive or Switch?
In the BDSM lifestyle there are two primary roles and you need to find out which one you are most comfortable with. The ‘Dominant’ (Dom) is the person in charge, often referred to as ‘Master’ or ‘Mistress’, who gives the orders and takes control in BDSM sessions and/or relationships, physically and/or mentally. The ‘Submissive’ (Sub) is the person who enjoys handing over control and obeying the orders of the Dom and willingly fulfilling their every command.
When starting out in the BDSM world, not everyone immediately knows if they prefer to be the Dom or the Sub in the relationship. In such cases, you might need to experiment a little, try both roles to see what you (and your partner) prefer and are most comfortable with. If there is no clear preference and you find that you like to play both roles, then congratulations, you are what is termed a ‘Switch’.
Once you have established what your BDSM role preference is, then you will find it much easier to contact potential kinky play partners in our BDSM personals. Members usually start their profile by describing their BDSM role type and what they are seeking in a partner or partners – which makes things a lot easier.
Bondage For Beginners
A highly popular entry point into the world of BDSM pleasure is bondage. One of the theories as to why it is so popular is that bondage binds the body whilst freeing the mind – a delightful combination rarely found in any other adult pleasure seeking experience. By restraining or tying up someone by their wrists, ankles, arms or legs, the Dom is exercising physical and mental control over their Sub who can no longer move and therefore is left just to think about and enjoy the experience.
Bondage cuffs are the go to starter toy for those embarking on their bondage journey. Wrist and ankle cuffs are easy to fit, fasten and adjust. Avoid metal handcuffs as these are two rigid and can cut in and hurt your wrists and ankles. Instead, look for softer more comfortable versions in leather or faux lathe or neoprene. Oh and forget locks and keys, always opt for ones that fasten with velcro or a buckle, which are easier to release and hence much safer.
Bondage rope can look stunning in intricate bindings such as Shibari (Japanese rope bondage). However rope bondage is best left for professionals as you need knowledge and experience to know how to bind rope in this intricate manner. Again rope can be a bit coarse on the skin so is best avoided. The best option for beginners into getting tied up or down is bondage tape – it is easy to apply, sticks only to itself and not the body and does not leave any unsightly marks, so no-one will know your little kinky secret.
Get Spanking
Another popular BDSM thrill for beginners is Spanking. Whether you like to give or receive, a lot more people than you would think are into this particular BDSM pastime. What drives this sensory thrill apart from the sub/dom aspect, is that a good spanking can excite nerve endings in an intimate pleasure area causing ripples of tingling arousal. You may have already tried this or considered trying this in the bedroom as all it requires is a hand and a consenting bottom. For beginners it is probably best to start there and build up slowly before you order up a Spank paddle online.
For many BDSM newbies looking to spice things up in their kink relationship, the temporary suppression of one of the senses of you or your partner is another turn on. Blindfolds or a silk scarf (or similar) tied over the eyes are the most popular choice. This adds a sense of intrigue and mystery into what your partner is about to do to you. The anticipation of their touch and not knowing what or when it will happen creates an erotic charge the leads to a rush of pleasure when it is received. The best blindfolds are those that feel comfortable to the touch for the user, whilst allowing for little to no visibility, so as not to spoil the surprise.
For those interested in exploring the Sub/Dom side of BDSM, the use of a collar worn by the submissive is a clear statement that they are ‘owned’ by someone else. Collars can be worn in the bedroom with their partner or in public to show your submission preference at places like at a fetish club. They come in many different styles. Some are decorative, some have spikes, some thick and others thin and more discreet. Many are functional, usually in traditional black but include a D or O shaped ring at the front where a lead can be attached. This allows the dominant to take his submissive ‘walkies’ or just keep a tight hold on them in the play area or bedroom. With so much choice the only issue is deciding which one is right for you.
So there you have it. A beginners guide to BDSM. It is a vast subject and it can take many years to explore all the different kinks and fetishes should you so wish. Most people though start out with the more popular fetishes mentioned in the article and then build things up from there. But now it’s your turn to go start exploring the wonderfully pleasurable world of BDSM. Have fun!
Additional Resources:
The BDSM stories and BDSM blogs from other community members on this site can act as a good source of information from fellow kinksters (experienced and newbies) to help you explore the world of BDSM more and are definitely worth checking out once you have become a member.
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